The Personality Kid

Marley wasn't very old before I started telling people that she was the kid who was going to invite her friends over for a party when Paul and I are out of town. She is going to be our table-top dancer, I'd say. Our friend Tamila always referred to her as a little cheerleader. Recently I began my more serious investigation into Marley's personality in an attempt to be a better parent. My chief resource in this endeavor is Nurture by Nature by the Tiegers, an exploration of the Myers-Briggs Temperament Inventory in children.

I have pored over this book before. My children are hard to "type," meaning that in spite of their strong personalities, it hasn't been easy figuring out which of the Myers-Briggs personality types fit them the best. For example, both my kids are extroverts but they are both self-conscious in new situations which makes them seem like introverts. It has been a process of looking at both and 'E' and 'I' versions of certain types and eventually finding the right fit. I did figure out Colin a few years ago but often forget how to best use that knowledge to better parent him which is completely ironic since he and I have the same type: ENFP.

Well, this weekend I finally figured out Marley's type, ESTP. Everything makes so much more sense now. In fact, in a recent post over at my other blog, I nicknamed her The Princess of All She Surveys. I think I could interchange that easily and call her Princess ESTP. First a brief, positive outlook description:

ESTPs are usually funny, delightful, active and outgoing children, always on the go and eager to push every limit. They throw themselves into life and think about the consequences later. Like the children's picture book character Curious George, ESTPs of any age are primarily driven by their impulses and enormous energy to experience the world. ESTPs need plenty of hands-on experiences, crystal-clear directions and expectations, and more physical freedom than just about any other type of child. Parenting ESTPs requires great reserves of energy and patience and a willingness to explore and learn from their many experiences.

No wonder I've had such a hard time keeping up with her. I have no personal interest in hands-on experiences and prefer to spend my time reading or watching television; I'm terrible at crystal-clear directions and expectations because I'm more of a generalist; and I'm all for physical freedom as long as I don't have to supervise it. Great reserves of energy and patience? Um, not my spec-ee-al-i-ty.

It does make me feel better to know that some of Marley's stronger characteristics aren't just a result of lackadaisical parenting and the fact that she is the baby of the family coming 8 years after her brother. So often it was just easier to give her what she wanted. No, she is definitely wired up to live in the moment, be assertive and active. And some of the things that drove me crazy like her almost obsessive need to pour any liquid she found in one container into any other container she could find--usually not an acceptable one, her difficulty in finding her "inside voice," and her I-need-it-and-need-it-now insistence all dovetail nicely with descriptions of an ESTP in the book. There are also some very good tips in the book for dealing with these personality traits. And really, they are things I've known all along such as keeping her schedule filled up with lots of play dates and lots and lots of physical activity and that actions speak louder than words in the discipline arena. You can be kind and gentle or loud and scolding with her. It doesn't matter; the words just don't cut it. She needs swift consequences to get the picture.

So now, I go about educating Paul and Colin on my renewed commitment to providing for Marley the best parenting techniques to suit her. And this week I sign her up for Brownies AND look for a sport to sign her up for as soon as possible... and anything else I can think of!



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The Personality Kid
Release date 1934
Directed by Alan Crosland
Starring Pat O'Brien and Glenda Farrell

The story of a chump boxer better known for fancy footwork and showmanship than his talent. Pat O'Brien as Ritzy McCarthy gets ahead through a series of, unknown to him, fixed matches. His ego swells and a romantic triangle soon develops between the fighter, his wife-manager (Glenda Farrell) and Claire Dodd as the other woman.